This has been a tough summer. I was literally burned up and out. There have been months of financial struggles, close friends divorces, illness with family members and a chaotic home life. So I finally just stopped the roller coaster that is our fast paced lives and just shut down for a couple of months. Not that a mother can ever completely shut down, but we are operating on the bare basics without outside activities, classes, field trips and entertaining visitors. We needed to bring the laughter and joy back into our home and homeschool.
Most people don't understand how much energy, planning and creativity that is required to mother as well as educate a high energy, curriculum absorbing and strong willed male child. It has been a great challenge and I have loved every minute of it. So much in fact that I think we were overextended and my expectation of myself were to high. We all longed for the last day of school and did not look forward to starting up again.
It has been a season of praying, debating and doubting. There are so many changes happening in our live, community and small homeschool group. A lot of days are spent without friends and that has been my biggest concern. My prayer has always been “Am I doing what is right for him? Can I keep up the pace? Where can we find Godly friends?”
This year for the first time of our almost four year journey we seriously considered public education. At first my prayer was not directed at what was best for our child, I admit that. It was the fear of not measuring up in some way...him being that weird socially awkward kid that gets bullied .....or the kid that never had the school experience or overprotected child who later can not cope. Fear that he would be lonely and would not have friends. FEAR!
It manifested itself physically with sleepless nights, stress headaches and depression. Through it all a fellow homeschooler, my spiritual sistah kept reminding me:
2 Timothy 1:7...
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
Every place I went I kept hearing this message in church and on the radio. Faith that is what was missing. Faith!
So I started to pray again. Asking for the faith to follow what God's plan for us. Because God does not want us to live in fear. It brings him no glory or joy. So we started anew with a spirit of faith. We sat down wrote out a pros and cons list and prayed over it. God began to work, not in large flashy ways but on my heart, in still quiet moments. Everyday showing me where I needed to work, labor and rejoice.
So again this year with step out on faith and move forward.
Knowing Faithful Is Our God lyrics